WHERE SO' FINISHED THE INGLISH PROF?

Hai, I'm yoar teacher of Inglish. Don't preoccup' boys, before I teachevo matematica, but the Gelmini reform wants that I teach to you a little bit of Inglish, and this are the results. But no panic. You record that Berlusconi seys ever that Inglish is the first "I" of his programm, no? E allo', now che vulite?
First lesson: the cat is on the table, vicin' the apple that is on the table too. This is the regol of the table, the most important in Inglish. I impared that yesterday night, because Gelmini genius has sayd that 340 (treee undred forty) hours are good to divent' Inglish teacher. Even if I'm 56 years old, and I know just just nu' poc' of franch. Capisc'?
You, at second bench, why are smiling? Are you sfotting me? How you permitt'? Mmmmm mmmmm (comm' cazz' si dice "dietro"...) go immediately aret' the lavagn. NOW!
- But, teacher, I speak english better than you. Are you kidding me?
SILENCE! you are in punition! Te si' giucat' the Internet access. And what seys ever Berlusconi?
- Internet è la seconda "I" del suo programma!
Very good boys. Now tell me this in Inglish!
- Internet is the second "I" of his program
Aspett' che sto pigliand' appunti... the second.... of his.... pro... gramm
Ok I'm stanc now. Passamm' alle tabelline yamm.
3x9?
9x9?
(oh my God, o' maronn')